How do you talk to a young couple about their out of control marriage/family without shutting them out?

That is a tough one. If they are immature, they most likely will not take ANY advice from anyone. I think that you should talk to the young girl one on one, kind of feel her out, and ask her how she feels about some of the things that are bothering you. Perhaps say, I get the feeling that your husband likes to wear the pants in the family... How do you feel about that? etc... The best thing to do would be just to lead by example. If you have children discuss your feelings about parenting techniques, maybe let her see that you and your husband share responsibilities and ideas about your life, and that you all compromise. Let your husband know, and maybe have him behave in such a way that really shows how husbands and fathers should behave, if you know what I mean...If it is too terribly bad for the children, you may have to decide whether or not child protective services should be informed.